Crappy Christmas - Hope all your presents are shit! Crappy Christmas - And a shit new year! It's Christmas - Let's get Shitfaced! Merry Christmas - Sorry about the shit card!
Merry Christmas - Sorry I could only afford a shit present I don't usually give a shit... - But for you it seems the perfect gift... Merry Christmas Dreaming of a shite Christmas? Just for you... - I made it myself Crappy Christmas - Hope Santa brings you a sack load of shit!
It's your birthday... - Let's get Shitfaced! Happy Birthday - Sorry about the shit card! Happy Birthday - Sorry I could only afford a shit present I don't usually give a shit... - But for you it seems the perfect gift... Happy Birthday
   
Happy Birthday... Just For You - I made it myself! How Old? - No wonder you look like shit. We've been through some shit together... - But I love you as much as ever... Be my valentine. Valentine, I love you. - Even your shit smells of roses!
Valentine, Just for you. - I made it myself! We've been through some shit together... - But I love you as much as ever... Happy Anniversary Oh Shit! - Has it really been that long? Happy Anniversary... Sorry to hear you're down in the dumps - Get well soon.
Oh Shit! - Sorry I'm late. I forgot. You're dumped! - Shit Happens... Congratulations! - Maybe you're not such a useless lump of shit after all! Good Luck - You're going to need it Shit-for-brains!